Tuesday, July 10, 2012

What A Friend She Has...

When I was a little girl,  just a few years older than Elise, I spent the 3 weeks before summer camp with two of my best friends practicing for the camp’s talent show.  Three girls, wearing 80’s leotards, doing a routine to the song “Friends” by Whodini playing on my record player.  Now, if you’ve never heard of Whodini, take a moment to look them up on You Tube… 
(Yes, that music was cool at the time…)

That’s the kind of thing I remember doing with my friends as a young girl.  Lots of dancing in the living room, twirling batons, and playing records and tapes.  Hours spent running through my “Willy Water Bug” in the front yard with Alecia.  Climbing trees with Wendy in the woods across the street from my house.  Swimming at Laurie's lake house, and sharing a week at camp with Ali.  Jumping on my trampoline, each of us outdoing the other in backflip contests.  As we grew up,  old friends moved away, while new friends were made.  Our pastimes turned to talk of boys, popularity contests, and hours of curling and teasing our bangs in the bathroom mirror.  

Like many other things that life has to offer, Elise will miss out on this joy of friendship.  This void in her life had never really crossed my mind until just recently.  My first vision of Elise as “friendless”, was at my son’s baseball game.  I was sitting in the bleachers with her by my side.  I heard giggling, and when I turned around, I saw two little girls sitting by her, examining the stickers on the side of her wheelchair.  They asked me numerous questions about her, as most curious kids do, and then touched her hands and tried to talk to her.  Elise had no idea that they were there, much less that they were interested in interacting with her.  Nevertheless, I quickly took pictures of the girls with Elise.  It made me feel good to see her with other children, even if she wasn’t aware.  So, that got me to thinking about an interesting question that I have wondered about during these times of awkward but sweet exchanges between kids and Elise.  
Can friendship be one-sided?  
Can a little girl declare that she is Elise’s “friend”, when Elise doesn’t know that the girl even exists?  I think I will answer my own question by saying that, yes, friendship can definitely exist in this unbalanced way.  At least for kids like mine. 
Every time a little girl shows interest in Elise, comments on her dress, or places their hand upon hers, it takes away a little of the sting that I feel when I see other groups of girls playing together and sharing in friendship.  One such sweet child is Hailey, a little girl who goes to our church.  Hailey was always very enthralled with Elise.  Each Sunday, she would stop in the hallways of the church and comment on her dress, her shoes, and her earrings.  One of the most endearing moments with Hailey, was at a party where all of the children were running around, climbing playground equipment, swinging in swings, and playing chase.  I caught Hailey talking to Elise.  As I inched closer to hear what she was saying, I realized that she was asking her if she wanted to play.  It broke my heart.  I explained to Hailey about Elise and why she couldn’t play.  Personally satisfied with my quick response, I was surprised to see Hailey walk up several more times, and ask, “Can she play now?”  It was just too hard for her innocent mind to understand that Elise coudn’t play...ever.
Hailey eventually understood, and from then on, focused on saying hello, and patting Elise on the arm.  I still have a picture that she colored for Elise.  It shows Jesus in a boat with his disciples as he calmed the storm.  There is a little girl in a wheelchair at the bottom of the picture with the words -- “He is Powerful”.  Coloring that picture of the girl in the wheelchair reminded Hailey of my daughter, her friend.  
At Elise’s school this past year, there was a kindergartener named Elizabeth whose class was just down the hall.  I know her parents from church, and they told me one day that their daughter had taken an interest in Elise.  Elizabeth would see her in the halls during dismissal.  She was upset because it was against the rules to leave her class in line, but she so desperately wanted to walk the few feet over to Elise to give her a friendly hello.  She wanted to acknowlege her and give her some love.  
These small acts of compassion and interest toward Elise mean something significant to me as her mother.  The truth is, most kids are either scared of Elise, upset by her, or see her as too bizarre to approach.  I get that.  That is normal.  It does, though, remind me of how God has placed certain little ones in her path that find a place in their hearts for a child like mine.  
Just as I trust Jesus to fill the many voids in Elise’s life, I also know that He can step into this role of “friend” for her.  She may not have someone to do cartwheels with in the grass, laugh over childhood silliness, or play Barbies with, but Jesus can definitely take the place of the many friends that she is otherwise missing.  
He is the only friend that won’t ever hurt her.  
He is the only friend who will always support her.  
He is a friend without jealousy.  
He is a friend with never-ending patience and understanding.  
He is a friend that is always faithful, and will never leave her side.  
This is the kind of friend that I am most thankful for her to have.  
John 15:13 says,
“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
What else does Elise, a child of God, need in a friend?  Jesus already laid down His life for her, and the way I see it, that’s the equivalent to a lifetime of slumber parties, playing dress up, swooning over boys, going to the mall, and all of the other joys of having earthly friends.  As a matter of fact, I think He is all she needs…

Two curious girls at Lane’s baseball game.  They started out looking at the stickers on her chair, then moved on to talking to her and finding out all about her.  I sure wish she could play with them…


This is a birthday card that Hailey gave Elise a few years back.  I will keep it forever.

The picture that Hailey colored for Elise.  It hung by her bed for a couple of years, and I now keep it in Elise’s keepsake box.  

This is Elise’s class a couple of years ago at school.  Her teachers call the other kids her “friends”.  They do activities, receive therapy, and spend their days together in the same room.  It is probably about as close to another child as she will ever get.  

Even though Elise doesn't have friends in the traditional sense, I have enjoyed watching my boys make friends and memories through the years.


Lane (on the right) has made many great memories with his good friend, Andrew.

Lane (squished on the bottom) with all of his friends at his 9th birthday party.  This is one thing I definitely miss each year with Elise.  I would LOVE to plan a little girl birthday party and invite lots of friends.  

Ty is just beginning to make close friends.  I hope he keeps them for many years to come!  

Ty (on the right) and Creed.  I have loved watching this friendship grow from when these boys were babies.  

Ty (on the left) and Ryan, his friend from church.  They are both super anxious to see each other at Sunday school each week.

When I look at pictures of myself as a child, I can't help but wonder what it would have been like for Elise to have made friends and had the same kinds of experiences that I did.  

Me (on the right) and Alecia, a great friend growing up, getting ready to play in a piano recital.  (I am Elise’s age in this picture.) 

If Elise were a typical little girl, I would have signed her up for a group like Blue Birds or Girl Scouts.  This is me with all of my Blue Bird friends when I was Elise’s age.  It’s crazy that I am Facebook friends with 6 of the 8 girls in this picture!

My two closest friends, Laurie and Ali, and me (in the middle) getting ready for a dance performance.  Very, very 80s!

First day at summer camp with my friend, Ali (on the left).  These were some of the most memorable days for me with my friends.  I know Elise would have loved camp as much as I did...

I will always remember the words from one of my favorite gospel songs, What  a Friend We Have In Jesus.  
“In His arms He’ll take and shield thee, Thou wilt find a solace there.”

What a friend she has!


  1. It sounds to me like Elise has made a number of friends over the years :) They may not be made in the typical way, but that is ok.
    I think you should totally have the birthday party with friends, we just did it for the first time for Sophie this year and it was awesome. Her daycare friends were fighting over who got to help blow out the candles and who got to help her open her present first. It was so, so fulfilling for me, and I hope for Sophie too. I say just do it :)

  2. I love that you went ahead and had a party for Sophie! I hope to do that one day for Elise. Maybe this year! We had a big party for her 1st birthday, but haven't done one since. I love that there are other moms like you out there who understand my feelings and experiences...

  3. All the pictures and comments are awesome. God has a plan for her and the work she is doing for him is priceless. You have a very special daughter and may GOD continue to bless you for all the work you do. Sheri Houston

  4. We don't yet know just how this affects Elise. There have been many children who were supposedly unaware of things around them, but once those children were taught to type, they were VERY aware of the kindnesses offered to them. They were also very desirous of those interactions. Also, we know that wherever two or three believers are gathered together, He will be there. All good reasons for parents to encourage their children to befriend those who seem to be friendless.

    BTW, I remember you and Elise when y'all did hyperbaric oxygen therapy at Darin Bryant's place and I think we initially met at The Family Hope Center. I'm glad your mom posted your blog---I'd wondered how things were going for y'all. It is delightful to see your lovely family!

    Donna Bateman

  5. Every friend is precious! How beautiful that those girls at the baseball game wanted to be her friend. So many others could learn a valuable lesson there. Thanks for reminding me about that passage in John. I needed that today!

  6. Don't forget how many different ways there are to be a friend. If Elise can teach another child about accepting and understanding differences then Elise might be a friend that child remembers for the rest of her life. Even if the "friendship" only lasted a few minutes. Kids tend to be able to communicate with eachother spiritually (something we lose as we grow up) so Elise may not have to say a word to communicate with another child. Expose her to as many other children of different capabilities as you can. Put her in a Blue Bird troop! Just because she wont be able to experience it the way you didnt doesn't mean she can't contribute and give the other girls an experience they may not have had if she hadn't joined. Elise can have an incredible impact on her "friends" lives, if you give those friends the opportunity to meet her. :0) XXOO Cherie

    1. Cherie, thank you for your message! Elise is 12 now, and I have seen so many ways that she has made friends here and there throughout the years in unconventional ways. I hope to see many more :)